It took every bit of self-control that I could muster not to alter the entry below. I decided to round out February by throwing in a raw journal entry from 2013 just for fun. Obviously when I journal, it is a rambling conversation with no one. Since not a soul is listening when I scribble ink on the paper, I never go back and painstakingly edit, shape, mold and clarify as I would in something that I wrote to share. But what is the point of divulging a journal entry if I’m just going to transform it into a standard post? Anyway, here is what I wrote on May 9th of last year about a peculiar dream that I had and my own meager attempt at interpretation:
I had this weird dream last night. I was sitting in the living room of my childhood friend’s mom’s home. Her mom is now in her early 50’s and in my dream, she was showing me a case of trinkets from her life’s accomplishments. The glass case held some very unusual things, like an embalmed scorpion. She proudly told me of an adventure that she had taken in the deserts on the other side of the world where she had survived the attack of a rare and deadly scorpion. She had saved the critter as a trophy of her power to overcome. She was a powerful, accomplished woman- and this souvenir of sorts proved it.
In my dream, I was very impressed and even jealous of her adventures. I woke up thinking “that was bizarre,” and drifted straight back to sleep with ease and no real thought of the dream, except to wonder why I had dreamed about this particular woman.
But as I drank my coffee this morning, I realized why I dreamed about her in that way. She and her husband invested a lot of time talking to me when I was a young teenager. They encouraged me to go to college, dream big and pursue my love of writing. I think that my subconscious was questioning: Have I accomplished great things? If I had a glass case in my living room to showcase my endeavors, what would be in it? Would anything be in it?”
These questions spawned more questions like “who says you have to survive the proverbial attack of a rare scorpion in order to experience life? Can fulfillment come from the ordinary moments? Does this moment count? Sitting in a rocking chair outside, soaking up the warm rays of the late-spring sun, writing in my journal while my little ones play?”
Maybe the messages that are fed to us in this culture as children are a little inflated. Maybe they spend too much time emphasizing “dreaming big” while forgetting to remind us to “cherish the small.” Maybe their well-meaning encouragement “not to settle” prevents us from learning to also be content. If all we ever have is today, why should our hearts be taught to lust endlessly for a bigger, better tomorrow?
P.S. I did correct a few errors in my original hand-written entry, like the misspelling of the word “proverbial”-thank you spell-check!
Of course, I have to add my scriptures. They were not a part of the original piece, but it feels incomplete without them:
Philippians 4:12 I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.